How to Hold Space for BOTH Self-Love and Self-Improvement

Too often, I hear these toxic words from clients: “I hate my body”, or “I can’t stand this or that about myself.” 

I can think of many times in my own past when I’ve personally spoken the worst of all: “I hate myself.”

Because of the media, diet culture, and social conditioning (and through no fault of our own), we don’t realize that, by having this mindset as our starting point, we are defeating ourselves before we’ve even begun. 

Now, after years of poisoning myself with those words: “I hate myself”, and watching the inevitable domino-effect of self-destructive behaviours that follows, the most fundamental tenant that I teach my clients is: Self-love comes before change, not the other way around.

“Tonic thoughts produce tonic chemicals; toxic thoughts produce toxic chemicals.”

– Michael Beckwith

But how do we practice self-love and self-acceptance without risking complacency? It’s a common concern. After all, if we learn to truly love and accept ourselves exactly as we are, right now, what motivation is left for us to make healthy changes?

The answer is much more simple than you might think.

Imagine you have a child. If you are a parent, perhaps you don’t have to imagine. You already know that you love that child more than life itself, exactly as they are, right now. In your eyes, they are perfect – freckles, asthma, tantrums and all. And at the same time, you want what’s best for them. You want nothing more than for them to become the most vibrant, happiest, healthiest version of themselves. You want this for them, not IN SPITE of your unconditional love for them, but BECAUSE of it.

YOU are Someone’s child. You are worthy of the same unconditional love and care. The missing link between self-acceptance and self-improvement is nothing more or less than self-trust. The only difference between you and your child is that you are a grown-ass adult. Trust that you are capable of holding space for two truths simultaneously. You are whole and beautiful and perfect, just as you are, AND you are worthy of the brightest possible future. 

I can tell you from experience that, through the practice of fierce, unwavering, relentless self-love and acceptance, positive results will naturally manifest, and the healing will begin.